That ‘friend’ who only remembers you when they require a favour, but couldn’t care less about you. Cut them off. They drink the potential in your soul by wasting your time. Expecting, but never giving anything in return. They hold you back. They shackle you. They thrive without effort, and you allow it because you’re too nice; you would feel bad watching them suffer. Sometimes you have to let people suffer to understand the consequences of their actions. To make them think twice before making choices that put them in the wrong situations. The truth is that if you want to progress in life, you have to remove everything and everyone weighing you down.

Think of yourself as a bouquet of gorgeous blooming flowers. I would describe those who are sucking the potential from you as dead stems, bringing your lifespan down. They drag you down and spread like a virus until the whole bouquet is dead. Instead of keeping the dead stems and petals, remove them, replace them and nourish the remaining flowers. Help yourself thrive by removing negativity and unkindness. Surround yourself with positive, kind individuals who support you in your goals. Be part of an encouraging and kind community. Reach out to those whom you admire and be an example to those who look up to you.

You are in control of your life

There’s one thing we’re not going to do here, and that is self-pity. You’re not going to complain about your life circumstances when you’re not actively trying to change them. No one has the power or ability to interfere with your life unless you allow them to. You’re not allowed to wallow if you allow people to wrong you. Of course, in some cases, there’s nothing you can do. However, when an incident occurs, that you could’ve prevented by having more boundaries or refusing a favour. Then you are responsible. Honestly, it’s time to whip out everyone’s favourite saying. ‘Oh shes such a b*tch’. For having boundaries, for saying no when things don’t align with your goals, for refusing to spend time with people who drain your energy, for standing up for yourself. For doing what’s right for you. Be a b*tch.

“Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art” Miguel de Cervantes

The friends you choose are a reflection of a part of yourself. You choose them because you see a fragment of yourself in them. You may choose one because they are kind and compassionate, like yourself. You may choose one who likes art, poetry, or sports. Because these are a part of you, your choices and mindset must align to ensure the longevity of the friendship. Two substance users align in their choices of drugs and mindset of doing whatever it takes to obtain them. However, a substance user and a monk do not have alignment in their choices of pleasure and mindset of hedonism compared to finding or pleasing God.

Stop settling for less

Lack of security in who you are can arise from a number of factors. Perhaps due to your childhood, where your needs were not met, but instead demeaned and ignored. Factors also include low self-esteem, insecurity and societal pressure, making you believe that you are not deserving of good things. You hold onto negative belief systems such as ‘good things don’t happen to people like me’ or ‘I’m not good enough to complete that’. Why are you bringing yourself down? You become your own biggest enemy. You stand in the way of your progress. Get rid of these limiting beliefs and have faith in your abilities. Try hard, make mistakes, try again and keep doing so till you succeed.

Recognise where your belief system is stemming from

You may have lots of negative judgments and criticism towards your self. To recognise where these have come from, go back to your past and those with whom you surrounded yourself with.

Do you speak to yourself like you're unworthy because that’s how someone you loved spoke to you? Do you always limit yourself because your father never believed in your abilities? Do you associate your weight with your self-worth because your ex only treated you well when you were skinny? Do you only feel successful when you’re sacrificing your health to get the top grades, because that’s the only way you could prove to your parents you were enough? Do you stop yourself from trying again because the last you did that you still failed? Do you self-sabotage because it’s easier than failing? Do you believe that you will never get the life you want because of where you come from?

All these are examples of negative, stunted belief systems. You don’t believe you’re capable of something because someone said you weren’t. Or because it’s too much work, or because you’re not willing to do what it takes. Or because you think you are defined by those around you.

How to incorporate a positive belief system

Stop draining your energy on negativity and look for the positive. To break out of that belief system, you have to rewire your thinking. Everything stems from you. Everything. Your abilities stem from you as well as your success and failure. Not from your family, not from where you're from or your parents, but you. And who’s in control of you? You. So, where does your success come from? That’s right, you. And who cares if you fail? Just learn from your mistakes and keep trying.

You need to understand the power that you hold in life. You can change your whole life simply because you want to and take actions aligned with that. You can cut people out of your life and build a new life with a healthier community. You can focus on your health and treat yourself with the respect that you deserve. No one’s going to do that for you. Stop allowing people to get in the way of living a life that you desire. You’re the only person stopping you.

This is a reminder not only to everyone but for myself. Sometimes we forget how much potential and light is within us. We ARE capable and nothing can stop us unless we allow it to.

Thanks for reading :)

Bushra

Buy me a coffee :)